By Soph Southerne-Gitt.
A TOP footballer has been charged with possession of pornographic photos of the Easter Bunny. The rabbit was under-age when the vile pictures were taken.
Nobby Balls, aged 32, centre-back general of OopNorth United’s celebrated ménage a trois defence, was bailed over the photos of the rabbit with a horse, taken in the back room of a swanky London nightclub.
His lawyer told Voice of the North last night that Mr Balls would vigorously defend his reputation.
The degrading photos were displayed on the player’s Arsebook page, along with selfies of a python. As a result, Balls has been given the boot by OopNorth.
A spokesman for the club’s Norwegian multi-billionaire chairman and CEO Phil Anderer, confirmed they were urgently seeking a replacement with the ‘big tackle’ ability of the former star defender, who earned £100,000 a minute, plus free hair products.
“He could be facing a jail term and we need to bring on a substitute straight away,” said the spokesman.
“The problem we have is finding a player who is not a defiler, adulterer, pornographer, woman-beater or who would piss into a beer glass in the Royal box at Ascot for a laugh.
“It could take years.”
Our Legal Editor, SUE MEE, writes: Outraged UEFA chiefs announced last night they are setting up a wider inquiry along the lines of the Warren Commission into what is already being called ‘Bunnygate’.
The inquiry will be headed by Oxford University’s eminent professor of jurisprudence ‘Fluff’ E.Tale
“Ve believe ve have only so far touched ze tip of zees tawdry bunny tale,” said FIFA’s chief investigator Haydn Sique. “Zere is mooch more digging to be done but I am confident my ‘ounds will soon pick up ze scent.”